Dear sweeties,

Aug. 13, 2020 is auntie’s 50^th birthday! What a wonderful journey this has been!

Since I am #50AndFabulous, I am sharing 50 lessons I have learned throughout my life.

I hope they are helpful to you. 

1. Avoid feelings of jealousy and envy.
2. Be confident and never let them see you sweat.
3. Be vulnerable with people who will not exploit, use or take advantage of you.
4. Buy a home.
5. Buy life insurance.
6. Buy long-term care insurance.
7. Cheer for other people – especially Black people and women.
8. Compete with one person only – yourself.
9. Date different people before committing to and/or marrying one.
10. Decline invitations to events you do not want to attend and do not offer explanations. For example: I appreciate the invitation. Unfortunately, I am unable to attend. Thank you for inviting me and best wishes for a successful event!
11. Do not allow able-bodied adults to live with you – unless you are romantically involved with them. Help them in other ways.
12. Do not allow others to steal your joy.
13. Do not ask your elderly, fixed-income parents for money. Give THEM money.
14. Do not befriend people who commit adultery or who are side pieces. They have no boundaries and will cross yours.
15. Do not commit to someone who will watch you struggle. They need to help you or get out of your life.
16. Do not compare yourself to others. YOU are enough.
17. Do not date people you work with.
18. Do not defend your oppressors – no matter their race or gender.
19. Do not get married if you do not want to.
20. Do not have children if you do not want them.
21. Do not live a life of guilt.
22. Do not loan people money. 
23. Do not make your significant other responsible for your happiness. Your happiness is YOUR responsibility.
24. Do not marry anyone who would be unwilling to die for you and kill for you.
25. Do not move back in with your parents after graduating from college.
26. Do not put others’ needs above your own. 
27. Do not sneak around after you turn 18. Do it in the open or not at all.
28. Follow your gut instincts. They are God’s whispers in your ear.
29. Follow your own life journey – not your parents’.
30. Get a driver’s license.
31. Give to charities whose core values match yours.
32. Go to college or learn a trade that will sustain you for life.
33. Have multiple streams of revenue.
34. Identify and leverage your strengths, talents and gifts.
35. Invest your money.
36. Keep your inner circle small and tight.
37. Learn how to defend yourself and your family.
38. Live below your means.
39. Live outside of your home state at least one year out of your life.
40. Live with your significant other before marrying them.
41. Maintain good credit.
42. Maintain professional boundaries.
43. Nip bullying in the bud immediately.
44. Pay your bills on time.
45. Pick your bosses and employees wisely.
46. Put your “oxygen mask” on first. You cannot help others if you cannot help yourself first.
47. Realize that all Black people do not love you, and all White people do not hate you.
48. Remember that no man is your last chance. 
49. Say “no” when you do not want to do something. Do not apologize for it.
50. Speak up and advocate for those without a voice.

I love you!

Your Favorite Auntie

Dear girls,

When you go to college, you will love it. However, all of your experiences will not be positive.

When I was attending college to earn my bachelor’s degree, I was roommates with two White women. One smoked marijuana (which was illegal), and the other one would have sex with her boyfriend – while I was in the room. Yes, this is disgusting.

I told the drug user to cut it out, because I would be the one accused of smoking the marijuana if anyone smelled it. For the record, I have never used drugs a day in my life, but I knew the racists at VCU would believe her over me. 

I almost came to blows with the “freaky” one and was moved to another room. The dorm floor was full of racists, and I was labeled militant, because I did not take any crap from any of them. 

Stand your ground when you go to college. And when you need “back up,” please call me and your mama.

I love you so much.

Your Beloved Auntie

To my sweet girls,

When I was a little girl, the first lady of my church taught me the importance of public speaking. She would give me speaking parts in plays that were just as good as Broadway productions, and she would allow me to serve as the keynote speaker for programs. At a very early age – due to my first lady’s lessons, confidence in me and mentoring – I learned to speak comfortably in front of hundreds of people.

Fast forward more than 40 years… I am now in my 40s and speak publicly quite often. One day, I received an email from a person I have never met. She needed a guest speaker to present two sessions during a mini-conference and told me she would pay for all of my expenses AND pay me a fee to speak – in Las Vegas. Needless to say, I accepted her offer. I presented both sessions that day, and I must admit that I rocked them! 

I am grateful to the person who recommended me for the speaking engagement. Most importantly, I am grateful to my parents (your grandparents), who always recognized my gifts, and my beloved first lady, who I love and miss in ways I cannot adequately express. There are many people who have invested in my life. The positive things I do – both personally and professionally – are a result of the people who love and have loved me unconditionally throughout my life. I am grateful.

My prayer is that you will allow the good people in your life to bless you, love you and guide you. Their investment in you will pay off for years to come.

I love you so much.

Your Auntie

Girls, 

It’s important for you to learn how to give and take constructive feedback.

When I have to address issues in the workplace, I use analogies that others can understand. For example, I do not like repeating myself. Therefore, I might ask a colleague with children, “How does it feel when you have to tell your children the same thing over and over again?” The person might say, “It drives me crazy.” I will then say, “That’s how I feel when I have to repeat myself over and over at work.” 

Rational and thoughtful colleagues will receive and embrace the feedback. The whiners and weak ones will fall to pieces, which is their problem. As long as you are respectful – which I know you will be – you should definitely feel comfortable engaging in these types of conversations.

Love You Much,

Your Auntie

Dear nieces,

When I was 18, I told my mama (your grandma) that I did not want to get married or have children. She simply answered, “Then don’t.” I changed my mind about the marriage thing, met the man of my dreams and have been happily married for almost 24 years. Also, I am happily CBC (childless by choice). I love children and am good with them, but I just did not want them. I have never regretted my decision. 

Your uncle and I can come and go as we please, and we get to do things for our nieces (including you), nephews and godchildren that we could not do if we had children. Also, my decision did not deprive your uncle, because he had children before we married. When we first started dating, I told him I did not want children and that if he wanted more, then I was not the woman for him. 

I pray you make your own decisions – based on your dreams and goals and not what others expect of you.

Love,

Your Auntie

Dear sweet nieces,

Some of the most ignorant and incompetent people I know are highly educated. 

You will meet some of them at some point in your life.

I love you.

Your Auntie