Advice from your auntie
Dear girls,
Anyone who thinks and says that racism does not exist should be removed from your life – no matter who they are. Never befriend anyone – of any race – who does not respect your reality as a Black girl. That is why my circle of friends remains tight and small. Not everyone is worthy of being my friend.
I love you.
Auntie
Dear girls,
I remember when I discovered that Verizon Wireless had been charging me $10 per month for a line that I had deactivated a while ago. The customer service representative tried to give me a hard time. When I asked for her manager, she realized that I am not the one. Her manager found the documentation that I had indeed deactivated the line and credited my account for $70.
When you are not being treated well and you know you are right, please stand up for yourself. There is nothing cute about being a door mat.
I love you.
Auntie
Dear sweet girls,
I must admit that I struggle with weak and insecure people, especially women. I don’t care for them, and I feed them with a long-handled spoon.
I struggle with people with low self-esteem, because they are very dangerous.
I struggle with people who like to be liked, because they are willing to do anything to be liked.
I struggle with people who are easily persuaded to do wrong, because they are not loyal to anyone.
I struggle with jealous people, because they will do anything – no matter how immoral – to have what you have.
When we meet dysfunctional and mean-spirited girls, nine times out of 10, they learned that behavior from their dysfunctional and mean-spirited mothers.
Do not be friends with these types of people. Do not become these types of people. When you know better, you do better. My loves, you indeed know better.
Dear girls,
Please do not allow other people – especially people of other racial and ethnic backgrounds – to make you feel inferior.
Yes, you are beautiful. Yes, you are smart. Yes, you are worthy. You don’t have to dress the way they do. You don’t have to think the way they do. As long as you have morals and values and are being productive citizens, do you and be you.
Since physical appearance seems to be important to a lot of shallow people, I’ll end with this. Your full lips are gorgeous. You want evidence? Women of other races pay big bucks to get what the Lord blessed you with you. Your skin tone is beautiful. You want proof? Women and men of other races pay big bucks to get tans. Your generous hips and butt are remarkable. You want evidence? Women of other races are lining up to get butt implants. Basically these women want what you already have. Their husbands and boyfriends want them to have what you already have. That’s why they are jealous of you.
Don’t allow haters to make you feel inferior. You are better than that – and you are better than them. Use haters as elevators. Keep rising to the top.
I love you.
Dear sweet girls, please be aware of “code” words that may be used to denigrate you.
I recall a situation at work, when an older White male used the phrase “at-risk” as code for Black people. In fact, he said to me, “Well, Linnie, you could have gone either way.” I asked him what he meant by that. He had the audacity to say that I had grown up at-risk, because I am Black.
Take in mind that I had never discussed my personal life with this man. He simply ASSumed. I then told him this: “I am an African-American woman with a Ph.D. I have never been pregnant. I have never used drugs. I do not drink alcohol. I always knew I was going to college. I grew up with both of my parents.”
He stared at me with a dumb look on his face. I ended it with this: “You were more at-risk than I am, since you do not have a college degree.” His response? Crickets…
Call out the bigots, racists, fools and chauvinists – and do it with pride.
Dear auntie’s girls,
This is a rite of passage for women, so here goes…
I made a suggestion during a work meeting, and it was ignored. Five minutes later, a White male made the same suggestion, and folks were falling all over themselves to support it. I didn’t have to say a word. Within seconds, my boss – a White male – called it out. He was NOT having it.
Afterward, my colleagues looked embarrassed – as they should have been. I thanked my boss, told him that was one of the main reasons he is my favorite boss and said that women are the biggest perpetrators of this mess. I called them (my female colleagues) out, because they heard my suggestion, discounted it and then supported it when a White male said it.
Professional allies, advocates and supporters do not have to share your gender or race. My biggest professional advocate is a White male – and has been for more than a decade. The biggest haters in my professional life are other women. They are jealous, because I have brains, beauty and balls. And that is a quote from my White male mentor.
When this happens to you – and it will – call it out and expect your allies to do the same. If your so-called allies do not, they are not truly allies.