Tips from Auntie

Advice from your auntie

Let’s Talk About the N-Word

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Dear girls,

Some White people actually try to justify the behavior of racists by saying that some Black folks call each other the N-word and therefore White people should be able to say it.

It is not White people’s business what Black people call each other. White people cannot use the N-word – period. If they do not know why, then they are truly sick in the head. If they still do not know why, they need to Google it.

I have a White friend who often calls other White people “poor White trash.” She uses this phrase when describing any type of White person – rich, poor, middle-class, short, tall, overweight, skinny, etc. She has been doing it for years. When she calls HER people that phrase, I NEVER chime in and use the phrase with her. I know better. She has never had to say to me, “Linnie, I can use that phrase, but you can’t.” Again, I know better, because I am intelligent, respectful, savvy, aware and empathetic. The fact that some White people do not know better – or pretend to not know better – is disturbing. 

And for the record, no one is ever allowed to call me the N-word – not Black people, White people or Smurfs. No one! 

NEVER allow anyone to call you the N-word. Never. No one.

Love, Hugs and Kisses,

Your Auntie

Having White Friends as Allies

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To my darling girls,

Some of my White Facebook friends ask what they can do to assist in the struggle for racial equality and justice. 

This is what I tell them:

  • Call out your racist family members and friends when they spew their hatred
  • Expose your racist social media friends and use screen shots to make their racist posts go viral
  • Make your friends of color aware of the racists in their circle (many racists find it easy to “skin and grin” with people of color; let us know who they are)
  • Advocate for people of color at work

If your White friends are not willing to advocate for you and other people of color, you have no business being friends with them. What would be the point?

Much love to you,

Auntie

Our Reality as Black People

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Dear girls,

Our reality as Black people is that we must constantly remember what to do if we are ever pulled over by the police.

I repeat the reminders over and over again to your uncle and will do so daily for the rest of my life if I have to. 

Typically, I am fearless. However, the thought of someone hunting, hurting and/or killing my loved ones and friends brings me to my knees. The anger, sorrow and pain that I feel are indescribable. 

I am sharing this information with you to educate you – not to scare you. It makes me sad that Black people need to have these conversations with their loved ones. White people do not have to engage in these types of discussions with their White loved ones.

I love you for life.

Your Auntie

Never Protect Racists

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Dear beloved girls,

You are going to experience racism and racists in your life – unfortunately.

When you ask racists to do the right thing, that request typically falls on deaf ears, because they have no idea what doing the right thing means. However, when you hit racists in their pockets and get them fired, they understand the color green very well. 

Never protect or feel sorry for racists. Instead, please use that energy to protect good people.

Love, Hugs and Kisses,

Auntie

When the Haters Talk in Code

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Dear sweet girls, please be aware of “code” words that may be used to denigrate you.

I recall a situation at work, when an older White male used the phrase “at-risk” as code for Black people. In fact, he said to me, “Well, Linnie, you could have gone either way.” I asked him what he meant by that. He had the audacity to say that I had grown up at-risk, because I am Black.

Take in mind that I had never discussed my personal life with this man. He simply ASSumed. I then told him this: “I am an African-American woman with a Ph.D. I have never been pregnant. I have never used drugs. I do not drink alcohol. I always knew I was going to college. I grew up with both of my parents.”

He stared at me with a dumb look on his face. I ended it with this: “You were more at-risk than I am, since you do not have a college degree.” His response? Crickets…  

Call out the bigots, racists, fools and chauvinists – and do it with pride.

Discussing Tough Topics with White Women Friends

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Auntie’s babies,

At least quarterly, I have lunch with two friends – both of whom are White women. The three of us met about four years ago and hit it off. We have transitioned from associates to friends. I am the youngest (late 40s), and they are in their 50s. All three of us are successful and educated – I am a community college vice president with a Ph.D., one is a business woman with a law degree and the other is a judge with a law degree.

We talk about social issues all of the time. However, when we had lunch one time, we discussed race, and no topic was off the table. We talked about the sometimes rocky relationships between White women and Black women, White frailty, gansta rap and some White people’s fascination with it, the use of the “N word” and why White people cannot say it and how liberal White people can, in fact, be racist. We listened to each, asked questions and challenged each other. We ended the lunch with love-filled hugs.

You MUST have these types of discussions with your White woman friends. If not, get new friends. There are many WOKE White women out there. Befriend them and get rid of your UNWOKE ones. If YOU are the one who is uncomfortable having these types of discussions, you need to do some serious self-reflection.

At this point in my life, I am VERY selective about my friendships. I have many associates. However, my friends include a small “village.” Those who are truly my friends are worthy of the relationship. Cowards need not apply.

Girls, I want only the best for you. Demand that your friends have uncomfortable conversations about issues that are important to you – and be willing to reciprocate. If not, what’s the point?