Tips from Auntie

Advice from your auntie

Archives for April 2019

Marital Advice for Everyone

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Sweet girls, marriage can be so many things – exhilarating, hard, satisfying, frustrating, love-filled, painful and much more.

I asked your uncle to give other men some marital advice. This is what he shared:

  • Always tell your wife, “Good morning, beautiful.”
  • Listen to your wife and take her advice.
  • Realize that you will not win the argument.
  • Remember that the way you got her is the way you will keep her.
  • Remember that marriage is not based on 50/50. It’s based on a partnership. For example, if you get home from work before your wife, cook dinner. Don’t wait for her to do it.

My advice to other women follows:

  • Tell him what you want and need (emotionally and mentally).
  • Do not punish him for other men’s sins.
  • Tell him how wonderful, special and sexy he is.
  • Tell him and show him that he is the most important person in your life.

Marriage is truly what you make it. Both parties have to be committed to it. If not, the marriage will not work.

Discussing Tough Topics with White Women Friends

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Auntie’s babies,

At least quarterly, I have lunch with two friends – both of whom are White women. The three of us met about four years ago and hit it off. We have transitioned from associates to friends. I am the youngest (late 40s), and they are in their 50s. All three of us are successful and educated – I am a community college vice president with a Ph.D., one is a business woman with a law degree and the other is a judge with a law degree.

We talk about social issues all of the time. However, when we had lunch one time, we discussed race, and no topic was off the table. We talked about the sometimes rocky relationships between White women and Black women, White frailty, gansta rap and some White people’s fascination with it, the use of the “N word” and why White people cannot say it and how liberal White people can, in fact, be racist. We listened to each, asked questions and challenged each other. We ended the lunch with love-filled hugs.

You MUST have these types of discussions with your White woman friends. If not, get new friends. There are many WOKE White women out there. Befriend them and get rid of your UNWOKE ones. If YOU are the one who is uncomfortable having these types of discussions, you need to do some serious self-reflection.

At this point in my life, I am VERY selective about my friendships. I have many associates. However, my friends include a small “village.” Those who are truly my friends are worthy of the relationship. Cowards need not apply.

Girls, I want only the best for you. Demand that your friends have uncomfortable conversations about issues that are important to you – and be willing to reciprocate. If not, what’s the point?

A Right of Passage for Girls and Women

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Dear auntie’s girls,

This is a rite of passage for women, so here goes…

I made a suggestion during a work meeting, and it was ignored. Five minutes later, a White male made the same suggestion, and folks were falling all over themselves to support it. I didn’t have to say a word. Within seconds, my boss – a White male – called it out. He was NOT having it.

Afterward, my colleagues looked embarrassed – as they should have been. I thanked my boss, told him that was one of the main reasons he is my favorite boss and said that women are the biggest perpetrators of this mess. I called them (my female colleagues) out, because they heard my suggestion, discounted it and then supported it when a White male said it.

Professional allies, advocates and supporters do not have to share your gender or race. My biggest professional advocate is a White male – and has been for more than a decade. The biggest haters in my professional life are other women. They are jealous, because I have brains, beauty and balls. And that is a quote from my White male mentor.  

When this happens to you – and it will – call it out and expect your allies to do the same. If your so-called allies do not, they are not truly allies.

Four Points about Allegations of Sexual Harassment

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Ladies, I have four points to make about allegations of sexual harassment, assault and rape throughout our country.

  1. I am disappointed by the number of women in leadership positions who turn a blind eye to other women who were victimized. I am a “mama bear” when it comes to my employees. My predominately female team KNOWS that any inappropriate behavior against them will result in World War III – and those who are not on my team know it as well. People are saying that a solution to sexual harassment is to hire more women in leadership positions. Um… No… The solution is to hire more STRONG and COURAGEOUS women in leadership positons. All women are not worthy of a place at the board room table. Be those STRONG and COURAGEOUS women.
  1. Your uncle and I have been happily married for many years. No topic – and I mean no topic – is off the table in our marriage. I have reminded him that if he ever loses his mind and engages in illegal or inappropriate behavior, he may very well lose his freedom, his livelihood and his marriage. We keep it real, and we do not walk on eggshells in our marriage. When the time comes, you too need to be comfortable having that conversation with your man, boyfriend or boo.
  1. I believe that most of the women making these allegations are telling the truth. However, I also believe some are lying. Let’s not forget that some innocent people are in jail because of lying women. Let’s not forget that some innocent people have been murdered because of lying women. Emmett Till is just one example – there are many more.
  1. There are people – mostly men – who claim they were unaware they were sexually harassing women. I have some questions for them. Would you do or say those things to your daughter? Would you do or say those things to your mama? Would you do or say those things to your sister? If the answer is “no,” then you KNOW you were doing wrong. If you answer is “yes,” then you have MAJOR issues and need your butt whipped.

Girls, know your worth and speak up when you are wronged.